Lay down these words
Before your mind like rocks.
placed solid, by hands
In choice of place, set
Before the body of the mind
in space and time:
Solidity of bark, leaf, or wall
riprap of things:
Cobble of milky way.
straying planets,
These poems, people,
lost ponies with
Dragging saddles --
and rocky sure-foot trails.
The worlds like an endless
four-dimensional
Game of Go.
ants and pebbles
In the thin loam, each rock a word
a creek-washed stone
Granite: ingrained
with torment of fire and weight
Crystal and sediment linked hot
all change, in thoughts,
As well as things.

— Gary Snyder

Image: source.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

I just finished reading Murakami's "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running," and enjoyed it. I can't really imagine someone getting anything out of it if they aren't a long distance runner (and/or a novelist/writer), but as a newly obsessed runner, I thought it was good (maybe not great, but good). I especially enjoyed it because of all his running in Boston and Cambridge - I'm a lot more homesick for my New England home of 4 years than I expected! (Murakami on the Charles: "The river I'm talking about is the Charles River. People enjoy being around the river. Some take leisurely walks, walk their dogs, or bicycle or job, while others enjoy rollerblading . . . As if pulled in my a magnet, people gather on the banks of the river.") Here are some of my favorite tidbits from the book:

‎

"Here it is: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you're running and you start to think, Man this hurts, I can't take it anymore. The hurt part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand any more is up to the runner himself. This pretty much sums up the most important aspect of...running."

"I just run. I run in a void. Or maybe I should put it the other way: I run in order to acquire a void . . . The thoughts that occur to me while I'm running are like clouds in the sky. Clouds of different sizes. They come and go, while the sky remains the same sky as always. The clouds are mere guests in the sky that pass away and vanish, leaving behind the sky. The sky both exists and doesn't exist. It has substance and at the same time doesn't. And we merely accept that vast expense and drink it in."

"I'm struck by how, except when you're young, you really need to prioritize in life, figuring out in what order you should divide up your time and energy. If you don't get that sort of system set up by a certain age, you'll lack focus and your life will be out of balance."

"I think certain types of processes don't allow for any variation. If you have to be part of that process, all you can do is transform - or perhaps distort - yourself through that persistent repetition, and make that process part of your own personality."

"Most runner run now because they want to live longer, but because they want to live life to the fullest. If you're going to while away the years, it's far better to live them with clear goals and fully alive than in a fog, and I believe running helps you do that. Exerting yourself to the fullest within your individual limits: thats the essence of running, and a metaphor for life."

I can't wait to get back to running in....48 more hours! My knee is feeling a lot better after 24 hours of complete rest, and I'm going to hit up the pool today and see how that goes.

Happy Birthday, Woody

"There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know; and such small portions.' Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's 'Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious,' and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women."

This "culture diary" from the Paris Review is oddly engrossing (to me, at least).

Swoon. Tear. I Hope This Gets To You: A Viral Love Letter.

I don't really care about Art Garfunkel, per se, but I like the idea (god knows I love lists. Actually, everybody knows that.): Every Book That Art Garfunkel Has Ever Read. via Neatorama.

Image: source.

The Museum of Broken Relationships: "If you're suffering from a broken heart, never fear, a museum with memorabilia is here! The Museum of Broken Relationships is a bizarre tourist attraction where visitors come to look at items donated by people with broken hearts. Olinka Vistina and Drazen Grubisic, two Croatian artists who broke up in 2006, decided to open The Museum of Broken Relationships when they realized how hard it was to give up items symbolizing lost love. This way, they could keep the items together, and before they knew it, the two artists started receiving all kinds of things from distraught singles."

Running update: after not even being able to complete 4 miles yesterday morning because my knee was hurting so badly, combined with the indignity of walking straight-legged down the stairs at work all day, I headed to the running store to ask the pros for advice. The consensus was the accurately named "runners knee," pain in the tendon that runs over the top of my knee cap. They said it wasn't uncommon and that I had been upping my milage pretty quickly. They also reassured me that this doesn't mean I can't run (my fear) and that it wasn't the start of chronic knee problems (my other fear). The prescribed course of action: icing, advil, stretching, and three days off from running and bootcamp. Once I'm back up, I'm to keep up with the stretching, work on strengthening my quads, and see how it goes. Friends have also suggested shoe inserts, and I'm going to bring my shoes into the running store and have them checked out. Sigh. A bump in the road but I guess that's to be expected. For the next few days it will be pool only for me. Maybe some biking.

Being the Stream

Meditation is not just a rest or retreat from the turmoil of the stream or the impurity of the world. It is a way of being the stream, so that one can be at home in both the white water and the eddies. Meditation may take one out of the world, but it also puts one totally into it.

- Gary Snyder, from “Just One Breath,” Tricycle, Summer 1995

Image: source.

From Minnesota Public Radio, The immigrants' story, told through letters.

It's been said before, but it can't be said enough: the time to love your body is now. not tomorrow, not tuesday. now.

Clearly my favorite thing about living at home is quality time with my mom and stepdad. BUT, if I HAD to choose a second thing, it would be the cooking. I cannot even tell you how my quality of life has improved - Lean Cuisines no longer! My mom makes the best healthy yet comforting cooking. My most recent favorite was her take on this quinoa soup - she added some chicken and corn, and the potatoes and quinoa made it so filling and creamy. It reheated perfectly for lunches. I hope they don't ever expect me to move out....

Beautiful image: Inhale by Teagan White.

Interesting discussion of How to Defend Yourself Against Other People’s Food and Body Weirdness. This is an issue I have definitely been on both sides of. One of the things that most helped me heal from having an eating disorder was realizing how much I was affecting people around me - to the extent that I began to feel that many of my comments were acts of violence against women in the room. Saying things like "you're so lucky you're skinny," "ugh I wish I could eat that!" and other things "disguised" as "compliments" weren't just about me - they were a way of encouraging women to feel badly about themselves and their bodies, to base their self worth on their appearance, and perpetuated the idea that criticizing our bodies and weights are appropriate ways of engaging with other people. They aren't.

When I realized what a negative impact I was having on others (which took me years to realize, believe me) I was deeply shamed, and wracked with guilt. But it also helped me realize that eating disorders are not a solitary disease, they are diseases of community and society - that is a hard truth to accept, but in that truth there is also the positive realization that healing can be healing for those around you as well as yourself. We can drag each other down with our self-obsession and self-hate, or peacefully resist the messages around us, and actively influence others with our self acceptance and love. Every time you choose not to engage with the body hate around you, you are not only protecting yourself, but you are silently offering a person who may be hating themselves the chance to take a brief, probably very needed, break from attacking their own worth.

Mociun continues to blow my mind with more amazing jewelry. Their stuff is astonishing and so unique. Swoon.

Image: source.

Great project encouraging people to donate their books on Buddhism to programs working to bring meditation and Buddhism to incarcerated individuals.

From the Texas Observer, Man Without A Country: How immigration reform--and a Texan from Bangladesh--got caught in the deportation dragnet.

From Quirkyalone, gratitude for being single.

From the NYTimes, Justice Stevens speaks out against the death penalty: "In 1976, just six months after he joined the Supreme Court, Justice John Paul Stevens voted to reinstate capital punishment after a four-year moratorium. With the right procedures, he wrote, it is possible to ensure “evenhanded, rational and consistent imposition of death sentences under law." Former Justice John Paul Stevens wrote an essay for The New York Review of Books. In 2008, two years before he announced his retirement, Justice Stevens reversed course and in a concurrence said that he now believed the death penalty to be unconstitutional."

Love this round-up inspired by Hannah & Her Sisters.

"It all depends on you. You can go on sleeping forever, or you can wake up right this moment." - Osho

All this new stuff goes on top
turn it over, turn it over
wait and water down
from the dark bottom
turn it inside out
let it spread through
Sift down even.
Watch it sprout.

A mind like compost.

— Gary Snyder

Image: source.

An Interview with Eileen Myles: “If you’re interested in poetry, I’ll give you lesbianism, and if you’re interested in lesbianism, I’ll give you poetry.”

Precedent and Prologue, Jeffrey Toobin on the 10 year anniversary (wow) of Bush v. Gore.

From the Texas Observer, Solitary Men: Does prolonged isolation drive death row prisoners insane?

Video: Chrissie Wellington shatters the women's Ironman world record time. Kick ass.

Image: source.

A beaut: Sam Cooke, "Darling, I Need You Now."

If you're seriously considering law school and plan to practice public interest law....well, I have a lot of advice for you. But one piece of advice would be apply to the Public Interest Law Scholarship at Northeastern. As a lucky recipient of the scholarship (which is now even larger than when I was enrolled), and a past NUSL recruiter, I believe in and love the school, and also realize that my ability to be a legal services attorney directly out of law school is a clear result of the financial and networking support I received via the scholarship. Feel free to write me with any questions if this is something you are seriously considering.

I'm back on the running bandwagon. Kicked out 5 miles on my last day in AK, 8 miles yesterday, and back to bootcamp this morning. For the first time, my knees are hurting. It doesn't feel like it's deep in the joint, it's almost the tops of my knees, tender to the touch, like the tendons running across my knee caps are sore or something (my complete lack of knowledge about the human body is not doing me any favors). I'm hoping that incorporating trails into my runs, plus being back in bootcamp, will help me get through the pain. But running with stiff and hurting knees is not thrilling me. I want to be healthy and able to run for miles and miles and miles, damn it!

"When I die, don't come, I wouldn't want a leaf
to turn away from the sun -- it loves it there.
There's nothing so spiritual about being happy
but you can't miss a day of it, because it doesn't last."

— Frank O'Hara

Image: source.

The Los Angeles Times' article on the lawyering problems serving to clog up California's death row: "The inability of the state to recruit lawyers for post-conviction challenges, or habeas corpus petitions, has caused a major bottleneck in the state's criminal justice system. Nearly half of those condemned to die in California are awaiting appointment of counsel for these challenges. This "critical shortage," as the state high court describes it, has persisted for years, despite lawyer gluts. The average wait for these attorneys is 10 to 12 years."

Image: source.

This photo made me ache to be back in Paris. I'm so lucky to have spent time there, especially alone, especially with no schedule or agenda, especially when young and a little lost.

I read a bunch of my dad's old issues of the Times Literary Supplement and the NY Review of Books on my flights back to Oregon, which was great. I really liked this piece on Emerson, whether he's a philosopher (and, if so, what kind), his writing on grief, etc.

I also caught up on my podcasts, including this great interview with Wilbert Rideau, a long-time prisoner and writer: Doing Time, And Doing Good, In La.'s Angola Prison.

There are those who love to get dirty
and fix things.
They drink coffee at dawn,
beer after work,

And those who stay clean,
just appreciate things,
At breakfast they have milk
and juice at night.

There are those who do both,
they drink tea.

- Gary Snyder

The SFGate on the well-known and respected meditation program at San Quentin.

Image: source.

Watch Star Trek (all of the series!) online for free.

Interesting and honest discussion about the challenges of dating while struggling with an eating disorder, or another mental illness (although I admit I hadn't previously thought to classify eating disorders as mental illnesses, although it clearly is).

What Happened to Downtime? The Extinction of Deep Thinking & Sacred Space: "However, despite the incredible power and potential of sacred spaces, they are quickly becoming extinct. We are depriving ourselves of every opportunity for disconnection. And our imaginations suffer the consequences.

"

"The Social Construction of Neighborhood Navigation…and more in this 3-minute TED talk by Derek Sivers, sent in by AJ S. As AJ points out, the examples show that '…just because something is different doesn’t mean it is not logical in context.'"

"Compassion is the radicalism of our time." - Dalai Lama

I'd never heard of the store Plumo before, but I'm loving their stuff, especially the jewelry and bags.

Image: source.

Oregon goes coal-free.

I like the new Adele single, I think it'll be added to my running mix very soon.

"Christopher Baker films in Cordova, Alaska, documenting life around Copper River, one of the last pure watersheds in North America. Absolutely gorgeous."

What gives a city its feel, what gives a city its personality? A Radiolab episode on “Cities” uncovers what gives a city its walking speed: "On the high end you’ve got the Dubliners who take on average (10.76 steps to cover 60 feet). Compare that with to Buchanan, Liberia whose walkers covered the same distance in about 21 seconds. In football terms, by the time the Dubliner has scored a touchdown, the guy from Buchanan is somewhere around midfield. (~9:00)"

Forever21 launches gift cards?? Feel free to buy one for me for every occasion.

"I think of the trees and how simply they let go, let fall the riches of season, how without grief they can let go and go deep into their roots for renewal from a ribbon at a time." - May Sarton “Journal of a Solitude”

"The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle." Woody Allen (Hannah & Her Sisters)

When walking, walk. When eating, eat.

~ Zen Proverb

Image: source.

Does anyone have advice about watches that have GPS trackers (and assorted bells and whistles)? I hear Garmin Forerunners are the best, but which one? I can't decide whether I should get the basic 110 with GPS (for a not cheap $200) or spring for the one that comes with a heart rate monitor (the 210 at $300). Also, will this work when I bike (with this to mount it)? Based on the Runner's World review, I'm leaning towards the 110 with an extra $50 for the heart rate monitor. I want to be able to use it in all weather, to run and also to bike.

Image: source.

Today is my last day in Alaska. After a nice breakfast with my dad and a friend of his at the diner, and a great run (just 5 miles but it felt great to me moving again) and sauna at the local health club, I'm now luxuriating on the couch, sipping decaf, and re-watching "Hannah & Her Sisters."

From the LATimes: Undocumented UCLA law grad is in a legal bind: "His family crossed the border illegally when he was an 8-year-old, but he has done everything right since then. Will his adopted country now do right by him?"

This tray for soup and a sandwich is adorable.

"All these trips that we lay on ourselves - …the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy… - never touch our basic wealth." - Pema Chodron

Well done, HuffPo (and, as always, awesome work by Immigration Equality): "This morning, HuffingtonPost.com’s home page includes the stories of LGBT binational families as part of the site’s ‘Thanksgiving 2010′ coverage. HuffPo – one of the most widely read sites on the web – features Immigration Equality’s recent work on behalf of the Uniting American Families Act among its front page headlines for the holiday."

Image: source.

For whatever reason, I'm entranced by this persons photographic record of her (often unusual) meals.

In honor of my visit to AK, time lapse video of the Aurora Borealis.

I'm in Alaska, visiting my dad for Thanksgiving, which means that I'm taking a forced break from running. While it's not particularly cold here right now, the streets and sidewalks are very icy, and not at all suited for running. It's a little hard to be out of my routine, especially since I just got back into it, but I don't have any trips planned after this one, so I should be able to get back on track soon. It might require me learning to love treadmill running, however, which remains to be seen.

Today we saw the Russel Crowe movie "The Next Three Days" and it was pretty good - suspenseful, a little heart wrenching. As always, I got annoyed that of course the protagonist (an incarcerated woman) had to be a skinny, white, straight lady. But, political qualms aside, it was good and managed to keep our interest, even though it was almost 2 hours long. (And even though at one point when the lead woman did something frustrating a dude behind me loudly said "I woulda smacked that bitch!" and I turned around and angrily glared and said "Seriously, dude?" Jesus, people.)

It snowed last night. When I headed out on my run this morning, the snow had stopped, so I only had to contend with the slush. Or so I thought. About a mile in, the snow started up again, and brutalized me for the remaining 3 miles I managed to eek out. Not the 12 miler I was hoping to hit. Ah well, the sky has cleared up now, and I'm looking forward to getting home and putting in those 8 miles I have left. I WILL do this!

Image: source.

This locket is gorgeous. And here's the perfect jewelry rack to hang it on.

The NYRB has republished Joan Didion's review of Manhattan from 1979. It remains one of my favorite movies, but I am still entertained and engaged by Didion's scathing critique. Of Allen's list of reasons to live at the end of the film she writes: "This list of Woody Allen’s is the ultimate consumer report, and the extent to which it has been quoted approvingly suggests a new class in America, a subworld of people rigid with apprehension that they will die wearing the wrong sneaker, naming the wrong symphony, preferring Madame Bovary."

“I love poetry because it makes me love” - Gregory Corso

Running update: When I got home from work today, I put on my headlamp and pushed out the 5 miles remaining from this morning. It felt great, and I felt great for doing it.