SF Chronicle: Oakland woman slain - estranged husband held

This weekend yet another woman was killed as a result of domestic violence. Elnora Caldwell, a 46-year old Oakland resident, was in the process of divorcing her husband, and had successfully taken out a restraining order against him, when he stabbed her to death.

An article on Feministing discusses the futility of a restraining order in such extreme (although unfortunately not rare) situations. As someone who currently spends two days a week helping victims of domestic abuse get restraining orders, I have so many varied responses to this article ("Is A Restraining Order Ever Enough?" by Feministing.com). Obviously, the situation they are discussing is outrageous and heartbreaking, and the author is 100% right that restraining orders are not, by any means, a cure all for challenging issues of partner violence. That said, I have also seen the process of getting a restraining order be very empowering for clients and an RO can often serve a valuable role in the process of ending violent situations. No one should underestimate the prevalence of domestic violence in our country.

The author writes:

A quarter of women experience domestic violence and the murder of women via intimate partner violence and homicide is the fourth leading cause of death for women of childbearing age and 1/3 of women murdered are by intimate partners. Yet all of the resources that are available to us do not effectively solve the problem, nor do they save lives. Where were the cops? Why was he not being patrolled or why was he not forced to relocate? Or why was he not put in rehabilitative services, counseling, anything? What does it take to take that kind of action? He has to kill her first?

These statistics are true and horrifying. It also takes so much more than an RO, or any one of the actions she lists, to truly solve the horrible problem of domestic violence. It takes parents who raise their kids outside of gender boundaries and in homes filled with respect. Schools where violence and sexism are not tolerated. A criminal justice system that is not riddled with neglect, violence, and abuse. The fact that they are considering the death penalty for the perpetrator may provide solice for some, but for me it is a reminder of the futility of our current criminal justice system. Killing a man will not stop future acts of domestic violence. It is the guilty response of a system that knows it has already failed. And I think this is where the author of the article and I agree: victims of domestic violence, as well as their children, parents, family members, and friends, deserve more than weak attempts at retroactive justice. They deserve a society that tunes in long before the word "murder" is ever in the headlines.