Thoughts on the Bar

As someone taking the Bar exam for a second time, I've got a lot of thoughts about the process. One of the things my wonderful family and friends ask me most is how they can support me through the process, or how they can support other people who are going through the grueling world of Bar prep. On that note, here are some thoughts:

* Please, for the love of God, don't tell me that Bar study looks like "fun." Yes, if you were casually to sit down and answer a few multiple choice questions, it could be entertaining (logic, wheee!). But as someone who does it 8 hours a day with the end goal of passing a test that largely determines my professional future and is only given twice a year...it's not "fun." Don't belittle the excruciating pain of the process - it undermines the self-pity on which I rely. (Joking. But, seriously, don't call it fun.)

* Sometimes it helps to talk out law problems and issues, but there are lots of ways to help that have nothing to do with the law - sending care packages, helping us do things to take care of ourselves (go on walks, eat meals not out of a vending machine, etc), and generally allowing us to be a little....sub par for a few months. My wonderful boyfriend recently told me that of all the things on my plate right now, he was one thing I "didn't have to stress about." Those were pretty much the best words I've ever heard. He also let me go to bed at 9pm after a night of doing nothing but reading a mystery novel without making me feel like the world's most boring girlfriend. That is very, very helpful. We know we are boring for these months of Bar study - we can't get drunk, we can't stay up late, and we don't have energy to do much else but complain. Please let us know that that's ok.

* Some words for those of you who passed the Bar: first of all, congrats! Don't be afraid to let non-passers know that you passed - we want to be part of the celebration too and still care about you, even from the depths of our self-pitying misery. I hated it when people tried to hide the good news of their passing the Bar from me - first of all, I already knew (Facebook, duh). Second, it just made me feel excluded from the community of law students and grads I've been a part of for three years. Yes, it might be difficult for us to hear of everyone passing, but we still want to be part of the community.

* Also, wonderful passers, please don't say that the test is "stupid" or "doesn't matter." We all know that's simply not true. It is true that the test doesn't determine who is smart, who will be a good lawyer, or who is a good person. But it DOES matter. We know that, you know that. So don't try to downplay it's importance.

* Finally, a note as someone who is taking it a second time on how this time feels different. It's harder for me to ask for help and support this time around, I think because I feel like I got so much help the first time, I don't deserve another round of support. Also, it's embarrassing to have to take the Bar again, so some part of me just wants to slide under the radar this time. Even though that's impossible. Us second timers are a little more jaded, a little more gun shy, and a little less inclined to ask for support. But we still appreciate all you do.

* And one more thing: please stop with the telling me about all the fabulous people who had to take the Bar a second time (Michelle Obama! Hilary Clinton! JFK Jr! The Dean of Stanford!). Yes, it may prove that Bar non-passers aren't destined to be losers but it doesn't reassure me that I will pass the second time. And, like most law-related jokes, I've heard it all before.

Most of all, thank you. Thank you for letting me rattle off PFCs for hours on end, for understanding why I haven't showered, for working around my ridiculous schedule ("Can you do Tuesday from 10-1? What about two Sundays from now at 9am?"), and for understanding why I fall asleep on the T. You, amazing family and friends of law students and Bar-takers, keep us human.