I went to church again today. I don't really know why. I still don't believe in God, I still don't feel comfortable singing the hymns, and I still feel confused as to why there is so much emphasis placed on this book written by various people thousands of years ago. What is it that I appreciate about that hour a week? Well, I like hearing the minister talk about faith and the struggles of trying to lead a good life. I appreciate the UCC's emphasis on social justice and a life of service. I guess I like the sense of "community," even though I don't really talk to anyone else. It reminds me of being at the beginning of a race - inevitably, at every race I run, I get choked up at the start line, as we all head out. It's something about seeing so many people taking the time out of their day to do something positive and healthy, so full of hope (or maybe it's just the adrenaline). In some weird way, church feels similarly - it feels really tender and precious that all these people felt it was important to take this time to think about "the big questions," and to tend to themselves.
I do know I like having space to think about those that I care about and send them....prayers? I guess I'm still having trouble with that word too. The "Call to Worship" today was this: "O God / whose glory fills the earth, / whose presence is all around us / if only we have eyes to see and ears to hear, / meet us here today." I read it a few times and thought, if this prayer is saying that God is already all around us and only requires our acknowledgement, yet is still asking for God for his/her presence, doesn't this really make the prayer a prayer to the one saying it? Really instead of asking God to do something, if I say this prayer aren't I really asking myself to choose to have "eyes to see and ears to hear"? Maybe all prayer is to ourselves, in some way; a request to ourselves for the strength we need, the patience we lack, the compassion we desire, the healing we hope others find. An acknowledgement that we already contain everything we need.
Image: source.
3 comments:
Sometimes church is a place to go to find quiet and other people who are also seeking something. It's a great place to think and be reminded that we're all human. I sincerely hope that you find the serenity that church can offer.
Hello Shorty, I wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your blog. The images, the interesting links and your writing about your inner world all inspire me and bring me back on a regular basis. I'm not much of a commenter, but I know from my own blog that it's good to know that people are reading and being impacted by your words.
I was inspired to comment on this post because your musings on god and church led me to think that you might enjoy a Unitarian Universalist congregation and I wasn't sure if you were aware of the congruence between what you wrote and the principles and practices of UU congregations. I don't know anything about your local church (might be this one
http://rvuuf.org/) but I know that I have found the one near me to be a wonderful community and avenue for getting involved with social justice issues as well as a place where I am often pushed to consider my own beliefs and explore the greater meanings.
Thanks for both your comments - It's been really interesting to hear peoples thoughts on church, finding a place of peace and serenity, etc. It's been a really great experience for me to try to write about, since I never have before.
Figure8, I actually went to a Unitarian church sporadically when I was growing up - the local one got embroiled in some drama and I got turned off by the infighting, however I should probably give it another shot since that was over 15 years ago. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment!
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